TOURING

Ok, so everyone in your hometown thinks you're the next Bon Jovi. You've got a good local response and you want to hit the road and give touring your best shot. Everyone in the band agrees that it's time. Some people will look for booking agents, managers, or a friend that could completely flake out on the band. I say all of that is bullshit. Do it yourself. It's going to be a lot of hard work, you're going to feel insecure, and you'll get confused and frustrated but it's the best way to make sure it gets done, you'll know exactly what's happening, and I find it to be fun sending things and receiving things from bands/promoters across the country and talking to other people that want to get their band across the country, too.

Before I begin with helpful tips, I'd just like to say that if you're expecting to play sold out arenas and make tons of cash or sleep with lots of girls and do tons of drugs while on tour then please don't read this. Not only will this guide not help you reach those goals... if that's your goal for your band the I honestly don't want to help you. If you're looking to consistently work hard, meet amazing new people, make friendships that will last a lifetime, explore your oppurtunities, and see the larger picture... and all of these things regardless if you make or lose money... then this will be very helpful because there is a whole network of people out there who are just like you.

Also remember that touring is hard. If you have a nice comfy home life then you'll probably hate touring a great deal. If you're constantly broke (probably living on friends' couches) and wondering where your next meal is going to come from... then touring is sometimes an improvement on your life as people at least will help you out along the way. Touring is not for everybody. It's just not. It is probably one of the biggest tests a band will face on whether or not they will stay together.

This is not to scare you. This is to hopefully get you past the mistakes before they happen so that you don't have to fuck up like the many bands before you. Good Luck!

TRANSPORTATION

Before you even start booking a tour you should make sure that you have some form of transportation available. Whether it's borrowed, rented, or bought you should make sure that the van is not going to shit out on you.

I wouldn't really recommend renting a van just because it's so pricey and you're probably not going to make enough money playing basements and teen centers to come out close to anywhere near expenses.

If your parents or someone really close (someone that won't kill you or sue you if the van gets wrecked, stolen, or breaks down) is willing to let you borrow their van then you should only really do so if it's really forgiving parents. Most friends will say it's ok but some people get really weird when it comes to money. Don't lose friendships over this.

Buying a van is probably the best way because if you're going to be serious about touring then you're going to have to buy one anyways. A decent van is going to cost anywhere from $1,000 to some insane price. I've heard of people buying them off of shady dudes for about $800 and the van never dies. I've also seen people buy vans off of a church group for $2,000 and it breaks down on their weekend tour. It goes either way and I can't really say if there's a science to it. I would ask around and find a friend of a friend that's a mechanic, check out some vans, TEST DRIVE IT, and make a decision based on the needs of your band.

Some things to look for in a van are: heat vents (a lot of people crammed in a hot stinky van for a 14 hour drive can break up a band reeeeeaaaally fast), seating and space (obviously), and, as bad as it sounds, make sure it has at least a tape deck. I've heard lots of horror stories coming back of drivers on long trips with everyone sleeping and they have to make the trek alone at 3am with nothing but the radio... on the other hand, Cryptorchid Chipmunk listened to the Coast to Coast radio show while on tour and I have to say that it makes for some fun conversation.

BOOKING

Ok, now you are ready for the daunting task of booking the shows! Fun! Although I'll explain how to make a press kit and that bullshit... with the internet and everything, I don't think you'll really need to send one out.

First, you're going to want to pick the area of the United States that you want to tour in. Weigh in the pros and cons of some different regions (example: the southeast is cheap but venues are far apart... whereas, the northeast is more expensive but all of the drives are really short). You'll then want to find the time frame that you're allowing yourself and plan a route. You'll want to hit the city farthest in your route towards the middle of your tour so that you can play shows on your way back home, also (duh.). So, let's say that you are touring from Louisville, KY to New York City in 10 days. Your routing might look like this:

Day 1-Louisville, KY
Day 2-Cinncinati or Columbus, OH
Day 3-Pittsburgh, PA or Morgantown, WV
Day 4-Pittsburgh, PA or Morgantown, WV
Day 5-Baltimore, MD or Philadelphia, PA
Day 6-New York City
Day 7-New Jersey or Washington D.C.
Day 8-Charlotte, NC
Day 9-Asheville, NC
Day 10-Knoxville, TN

That's a good mix of northeast and southeast states.

Now that you have your ideal schedule laid out, it's time to go through your contacts. If you've been playing locally for a while then hopefully you're a friendly face to outside touring bands when you're on the same bill and talk to them, let them stay at your place, and get their phone number or email so that you can remain friends. If you're into this for anything other than meeting new people, helping them out, and playing music then you'll probably be disappointed with the whole touring experience. Don't forget to keep track of all of those emails scrawled on the back of bar napkins and phone numbers on match books. Keep a drawer at home designated for when you come home late at night then you can just throw those numbers and emails in that drawer and worry about them later.

Before the internet (Oh my! We really did exist before the internet!) bands used to keep many phone numbers of touring bands and the foot work of scamming a phone card, calling someone for a show, asking them for more phone numbers, and working your way through the web of the music community. You could get a print version from Book Your Own Fucking Life, also. But now, luckily, the scene has grown and there are literally countless contacts at your fingertips.

With the internet, there's no more long distance bills, scamming phone cards, hours spent calling countless numbers... You can simply type up an email, copy it, and send that sucker out to as many people that will read it. Send it to the people you know first then check out sites like Book Your Own Fucking Life (www.byofl.org) for promoters in the area that you're looking for. Since the shutdown of MP3.com, myspace.com, purevolume.com, and virb.com have been terrific resources for contacting bands directly. Look at their tour dates and see if you can hop on, doe a show trade (you should want to bring these bands to your town, anyways), or just see if they know someone that will put on a show.

You're going to have to send out about 50 blind emails to maybe receive one or two replies. Underground music is supported by people without the most security in their lives so a promoter might usually do shows but they are evicted right now and don't have a house space for shows or some kid broke a window at the last VFW hall show so they're not renting it out for shows anymore... that kind of thing. It takes a lot of time and personal interest in who you're dealing with. I'll always give my friends priority on getting on my shows. That's just how it is and I think that's how most promoters work.

If a promoter replies and asks for a press kit... you'll probably not want this show... but if you're hurting for shows and you'd rather play than have a day off then here's some things bands put in press kits. Excuse me if I don't elaborate. I think press kits are pretty cheesy... kind of like guarantees, waivers, and green m&ms.

Press Kit:
contact info (email, phone, fax, paiger number, work number if allowed)
a picture of your band in one of those pre-arranged dumbassed photos that I see all over myspace
a pretty little self-boasting story about your beginnings (that noone cares about) and what bands you've shared the stage with (that noone cares about)
a demo cd of no more than 3 songs (a promoter usually isn't going to listen over 3 songs and they'll know if they're going to book you or not based on those 3... song #7 rarely ever convinces them, trust me)
and anything else your little heart desires.

MONEY AND MERCH

Sadly, if you want to support yourselves and break even on tour then you're going to have to sell merchandise. You'll also have to keep track of your money carefully.

Some things to keep track of money-wise are: merch sales, merch giveaways, door money, gas, vehicle maintenence, repair, loans to band members, loans from band members, equipment, tools, medical expenses, misc. (towing, etc). Just keep track of them in a notebook that is always near the band fund.

Door money and merch sales are probably the most respectable ways to support your band on the road. I would like to suggest sliding scale since money is the last thing your band should be thinking about while on the road and having new people listen to your music be first. If you're not familiar with sliding scale, it is a system with a low and high price based on how much the consumer can pay for the item based on how much they are able to pay for your record.

Other creative ways to earn money on the road are distroing other bands' and labels' merch, selling used books and cds, selling bootlegs of anything, selling crafts or art that the band members make, and other countless things.

HELPFUL TIPS FOR MUSICIANS AND SINGERS

Singers:
-eat healthy! a singer getting sick on tour can cancel a tour faster than you can order a happy meal.
-bring lozenges, honey, and stuff for hot tea
-warm up! Your voice is just as much of an instrument as the rest of the band and you should warm up then make as little sound as possible before and after the show.
-don't smoke, dumbass.

Musicians:
-bring extra strings, batteries, drumsticks, drum keys, drum heads, a towel for the drummer, extra hi-hat stand, pedal springs, and some handy tools for your instrument
-road cases are a must but take up extra space. Road wear is inevitable but it's nice to try and keep that to a minimum.
-make a checklist of your equipment for every night to make sure you leave nothing behind and make sure at least 3 members do a walkthrough to also make sure nothing has been left behind.

HOUSING

To be blunt, sleeping in the van sucks. When booking your tour it's good to note if you have any friends or relatives in some of the places you'll be playing to stay with after the show. Generally, it is a common courtesy that the show promoter will set you up with a place to stay. If the promoter is a young kid or some splinter of society in which they can't provide housing and you know noone in the town, then try talking to people that have attended the show and announce it in between songs. This generally works in one way or another.

Once you reach your destination, it is wise to avoid parking the van in downtown areas and any street with lots of litter and glass. Find a well-lit area and have one person sleep in the van. This avoids the van being burglarised at night time.

Don't be a dick to the person you're staying with! Take off your fucking shoes when you go inside, smoke outside, and do some of their dishes in the morning. Kindness goes a long way.

PACKING AND FOOD

Pack lightly but responsibly. Always bring a pair of pants, jacket, and a long sleeve shirt even if you're touring the southwest in july. I've hit more freak weather on tour than, I dunno, something else that happens a lot. Try to pack your clothes, sleeping bag, and pillow as small as possible. I also recommend books and a portable cd player. It will give you some much needed escape from your band mates regardless of how much you love them.

Also, don't forget general items like:
toilet paper, duct tape, general repair kit, cell phone, possibly a very organized and helpful friend, no nice shirts, socks!

When it comes to food, avoid gas stations like the plague. They are over priced and unhealthy. You're paying more to make yourself feel like shit. Pack non perishable healthy food and always ask where the nearest grocery store is located. There are also many free food scams! I'm keeping my lips sealed on those, though. Sorry!

COMMUNICATION AND ATTITUDE

This is most important for keeping friends and your own personal ego in check.

Plain and simple, touring is hard. Try not to complain. Everyone is in an uncomfortable state. It is how you welcome this that will determine whether everyone stays happy or not. Communication is key about everything whether it be inter-van or intra-van. Always let petty arguments go to the waste basket, approach everything with a positive mental attitude now more than ever, and avoid phrases like, "I told you so" or "You don't listen" and so on. Those phrases ignite arguments quickly.

This must be addressed. I wish it didn't have to be but while on the road you're going to encounter young people who's lives are in a confused state. What I'm trying to say is, "DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUNG PEOPLE THAT CAME TO YOUR SHOW!" It's just going to mess up this young person's life more and possibly yours with pregnancy, STDs, etc. Consensual sex between two people is one thing. As an adult, though, recognise the difference and try and talk to someone who might be confused or wanting attention. Sometimes they need someone to talk to them.

Shit, son! More can be said on this subject so go ahead. With these tips, some creative thinking, and positivity you should be making friends, playing interesting shows, and have the time of your life! Good Luck!